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While we were on our way home there was a young woman sitting at the entrance of an airport with a piece of paper stating: “I would also like to go home but I don’t have a home, please help!” Her text appealed to me, and made me remember my blog. I was on my way home more early than planned as I am about to loose the place where I did make myself a home and studio only 9 months ago. The owners of the apartment will take it over to live in that place themselves. For another time I will have to make a move and find myself a place called home. I have moved around from one place to the next so often in my life. We had a little chat, the young woman, my partner and me. We asked her what kind of help she needed. She asked for money or food. She showed me a paper she had written with her dream home, a quiet place in nature, preferably close to a forest, with friendly people around, and an environmentally clean place. I know that dream so well. I just did spend another month on our beloved island. We did stop the rental agreement of our house there because we want to reduce our use of airplanes. At the same time the simple life on the island and the closeness of the rough naturel elements did make us feel so good, strong and healthy again. It is so good to know what it is like to be healthy. How it feels to get up in the morning full of joy and energy, how to walk around with ease and feel the power of your physical body. While I used my part of my time to study about healing I experienced health. A home close to natures elements gives that. The young woman remembered. I know but still would like to organise my life more smoothly and in tune with that. As you seem to have to travel quite far to find some unspoilt nature, to hear some silence and see the stars.  
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Someone did let me know that my more regular blog updates are missed. It does motivate me to share my writings again. By writing on the internet, my words seem to disappear into the unknown but then suddenly I notice someone did meet my words, and images and did develop a relation with them. I stopped writing because changes made me feel like losing the concept of who I am, and what I am doing. I started this website and blog as part of my art work and research after I lost the identity of being a psychologist. Now I have lost the idea of being an artist , so what is it about now? Somehow those outer masks never really fit me and when they drop off, it doesn’t feel very comfortable. I thought being an artist was very nice. It gives a lot of space to be free and do many different things. Since last september I did spend my time studying Traditional Chinese medicine, Qigong and Taoism. What I love about it is that it integrates a knowledge of being with nature in a philosophy about life and living in harmony with nature or returning to the original state. I still have that kind of nostalgia for a world which is pristine pure, clean air clean water an abundance of life forms and a direct understanding and communicating with all those life forms. Sometimes while studying I read something which feels like finding back a treasured memory. Study made me live in the city and her rhythms and let go of the search for another place. And last year my private experience has become part of a collective experience. Everywhere people stand up and protest against climate change, people take action for reforestation, for protection of animals and more equal sharing within the world population. I did participate in some actions. However I do have a problem with the intense emotions in those mass meetings. I feel it takes away the clarity of my mind and awareness. I prefer to be a supporter in the background and to keep enough space to think and feel. What is individual and what is collective seems to become more and more blurred. I surely am not as much an individual as I was taught to believe.  This is a citymap of the future. You see little plots of land which are individual houses with their garden. They are connceted via park lanes. Bigger waterstreams take care to connect everyone with the citycentre, in a noiseless, save and gentle way. Of coarse there are no cars.
 A big one: acrylic on canvas 151 x 127 cm.
This painting took my a year and a half before I could finally finish it. It kept changing, always felt unfinished. I am still not completely sure but it does feel more stable than any stage before. Again I find myself in a strange kind of a landscape, like several times before in different paintings. A land under the stars, the stars are like waterbubbles rising up and the night sky above that.  This painting was "conceived during a concert of Olivier Piette and Fabrice George which took place in Brussels on the 20th of Februari under the name "Esquisses". It is 1.50 x 1.00 cm. on aquarel paper. After the concert it was baptised: "Nouvelles du monde de l'intra-terre.".
It keeps touching me that people seem to recognise the world from where I am "speaking", the world which keeps coming back in my paintings and whispers to me in dreams and daydreams like ancient memories of times long ago. I like the idea to have paper in the window openings instead of curtains, which filters the light beautifully. I made some drawings on them. Size 1.50 x 1 meter. This is what my window looks like at the moment.  These paintings just left for a new home. I am happy they can now live on independent from me, likr children who have become adults.
I just read an article on the website of the European wilderness Society wilderness-society.org/is-wilderness-our-home/
It made me reflect on this blog, my letters home are based on that nostalgia for living in harmony with nature, like an ancient memory of paradise. I do realise it is a romantic dream, lots of people will call it an illusion or delusion. My travels have thought me that the tremendous forces of nature are pretty much indifferent to my little human life or death. Death comes easily in freezing cold or dehydration in burning sun. Is that home? Is that my place of pureness, safety and authenticity? "Home is where the heart is", was a subtitle in that article. We do need some limitations and protection from the infinity of the universe to have a human experience. We do need other beings, preferably human beings, to make us feel safe as a human being. A warm nest, the shelter of a home with walls to protect us from the elements. Just like animals have their nests, their holes, their mothers, fathers, mates and herds. It is the heart connection of relations which give us a home feeling. Knowing to be known and cared for, to have a name, to love and take care and give names and hold dear. Seeing the uniqueness of one individual being, our child, our partner, our dog, our horse ,our trees. That tiny little part of the universe. Is nature our home? Is the universe a being we can relate to? Can you ask for a hug from the ocean? We do give names to hurricanes.... Is there a name for frost? Can I ask him not to freeze me when it is minus 25 degrees Celsius? In the freedom of my mind, in the beyond of my body everything is possible and very much alive. Can I take my body to the world of my imagination? Can I take my body to the paradise I remember, where every being is in a loving dialogue connected? Can I do that when others around me have a very different experience? |
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