April 16th, 2019

Someone did let me know that my more regular blog updates are missed. It does motivate me to share my writings again. By writing on the internet, my words seem to disappear into the unknown but then suddenly I notice someone did meet my words, and images and did develop a relation with them.
I stopped writing because changes made me feel like losing the concept of who I am, and what I am doing. I started this website and blog as part of my art work and research after I lost the identity of being a psychologist. Now I have lost the idea of being an artist , so what is it about now?
Somehow those outer masks never really fit me and when they drop off, it doesn’t feel very comfortable. I thought being an artist was very nice. It gives a lot of space to be free and do many different things.
Since last september I did spend my time studying Traditional Chinese medicine, Qigong and Taoism. What I love about it is that it integrates a knowledge of being with nature in a philosophy about life and living in harmony with nature or returning to the original state. I still have that kind of nostalgia for a world which is pristine pure, clean air clean water an abundance of life forms and a direct understanding and communicating with all those life forms. Sometimes while studying I read something which feels like finding back a treasured memory.
Study made me live in the city and her rhythms and let go of the search for another place. And last year my private experience has become part of a collective experience. Everywhere people stand up and protest against climate change, people take action for reforestation, for protection of animals and more equal sharing within the world population. I did participate in some actions. However I do have a problem with the intense emotions in those mass meetings. I feel it takes away the clarity of my mind and awareness. I prefer to be a supporter in the background and to keep enough space to think and feel.
What is individual and what is collective seems to become more and more blurred. I surely am not as much an individual as I was taught to believe.