Suddenly there will be another exhibition with some recent work which I could not take to Belgium. And it looks good.
A last time around the island before our return. It was such a perfect day. So totally peaceful, little wind, a very calm ocean, singing birds and a lot of new spring flowers. It did feel like a confirmation that coming back here is a good idea. Instantly dreams about buying a little house here return. A few hours later someone tells me how hard life is for a lot of people living on this paradisiac island. Such a weird contrast. I think nature is the best guide. When nature feels good then the human level will find it's way as well.
For several years I have been searching for a place where I could live in peaceful harmony with nature. A place with clean air, clean drinking water, a pure wild forest, it is all here. I realise that life has exactly offered me what I wanted. And that is in fact very often the case. But when my mind is focussed on problems then that is included in the package as well. I get what I wanted plus the problems I was focussed upon.
More and more I wonder what is worse wanting....
I am looking forward to be back in the busy crazy overcrowded world up north. Wonder whether I will be better capable to deal with it now that I know that I can come back here. And also knowing that the feeling of being home for which I was yearning, is something which can be created anywhere.
Just as I had given up the idea of staying here longer, because we did not seem to find the right place to live. There was always something which did not feel right for one of us. Then we suddenly did find a tiny house which seemed to be just right for now.
Stefan made some more foto's and did put them on a little webpage.
I will rent it from May on till my next steps become more clear.
And then we spontaneously signed the contract and a few hours later there came a message that I can go to Finland for an artist in residency. I was already on the way for preparing a "post El Hierro project".
It did confuse me; what to do? There are so many possibilities. And when and what is right to do for me? And what is just a kind of distraction? It took me two days to go back to what is the basic thing I want to experience which of coarse can be done on many places.
For years I dreamt of living a simple joyful life in a very pure natural environment. And here I am. El Hierro is defenitely one of the most clean places I have been. The ocean with her beautiful clear waters is just fantastic. The forest on top of the mountain is straight from a fairy tale. Why not just accept and enjoy fully what I so deeply desired for such a long time?
On the way I did found out that there are limitations to my desire to have a simple life in nature. I do not like the close company of cockroaches or rats. I do very much enjoy some physical comfort and all the more as I grow older. I like it when the house is dry, no humidity in the walls, no bad smells and I like it when it is light and spaceous and clean and when you can store all your stuff properly so that it doesn't look messy. I like it when a house gives you a place to calm down, relax, order your thoughts. Also sometimes nature can be so strong that it becomes uncomfortable for my physical body. The sun can be too hot, the rocks on the shore too sharp. It is all nature but too much is too much. And in fact everything on this earth comes from nature. In fact nothing else can ever exist. It is an emotional reaction which declares some things as unnatural and it means that I experience it as uncomfortanble and unhealthy for me. Like being in a traffic jam, or living in an area with a lot of polluting industry. There is nothing unnatural about it. It is only not comfortable for me.
What I wanted to do is commune and communicate with nature all her life forms and elements and express this experience in artistic means. What I wanted to do is share my joy of doing just that. What I wanted to do is feel myself in a harmonious unity with the nature which surrounds me. And be clearly and easily connected with my own natural essence and share this experience. I want that sharing to be simple and pleasant and grounded in a common love for doing it, a common enthusiasm to explore this and communicate about it in different forms. No inequality, no teaching or therapy, no difference in power or neediness.
Communication in words, sounds, music, colour form. And I would like to create new experiences together by bringing together the images, the sounds, smells, colours of what we want to experience, creating a world where we like to live in. My water paintings are sharing my love for pure and living water, the beauty of it and my wish to be always close to it.
I love travelling because it puts you in that innocent open state where you can just perceive and experience, what you don't know yet, whithout any judgment. But too much travelling stops me from staying focussed on my goal. To be able to focus I need a base where I can live and work. So creating and strengthening a homebase is more important right now then exploring new countries or learning how to be a modern artist. or getting feedback on my art work. Art is only a communication form. I like to go for more experiences as an artist in residence but right now I will give priority to installing a new home base, workplace.
Acrylic on canvas 1.20 x 90 cm.
Little by little I leave my painting with egg tempera and all natural pigments. I still love the colours. But it seems to give me more freedom of expression to use other colours as well.
There was still a kind of moral attitude in it and a good versus bad thinking, and a nostalgic yearning for a pure natural world. But those are mental attitudes which need to evolve now. Leaving the dichotomic style of thinking. Also leaving the necessity to live on an island far from the hustle and bustle of a crazy civilisation??? I did have a very good time here which is approaching an ending now. To come back later for an undetermined time...
Spring is coming, the almond trees are flowering. They make me feel so very happy.
The fig trees still look winterly dead, but they are also sprouting. A new sprout is like a shout, an outburst of joy.
Finished a new one. Love making bigger sizes now. This one is 1.00 x 1.10 cm, unframed canvas.
It was inspired by foto's from the submarine world around the island.