Night

     I woke up last night and couldn’t sleep again. It is always around the same time when that happens. Luckily it is not that common anymore. I went outside and watched the stars. Cherished memories came of how watching the stars together used to calm down the baby I was taking care off in the many nights that she couldn’t find her way to sleep again. We did talk about all the beings who were sleeping and about the stars shining towards us. There was so much love to share, it still burns my heart. Her wide open curious and trusting eyes, the intensity of her perception. 

      I sat down to meditate last night, which has grown into a regular habit again. Trying to calm down my many thoughts and slip into the space in between the thoughts, the spaciousness there, the intensity of energy when I relax into that pure being. 

     One of my urgent questions of this moment is how my life can be of use when I don’t participate in “normal society” in a very active way. Just living for my own seems so pointless and meaningless. And suddenly there is that crystal clear kind of a voice which tells me that my life is already useful and that there is nothing to worry about. I only have to let go of the need of being important, the need of being acknowledged and recognised as someone who contributes in a significant way to the good of this planet. The childish wish of being a hero and doing something great, which will be remembered and admired by others. 

As simple as that, it is. 

     I strongly wish to return to that open trustfulness and wide open clear perception, that pure love of a child, without that surplus of thinking and judging and trying, trying so hard to be good.