Zelfportret , oil on canvas 50 x 60 cm.
While painting I was pondering about the question who I am without my name.
I remember being 5 year old and watching the playing children on the school square. How come I have become Gerdi and not her or her or him...I wondered. At home I looked in the mirror and found it bewildering that that strange face belonged to me.
Not using my name is like disconnecting from family patterns and cultural setting. Who am I without all the stories which have shaped my life?
Memories; childhood nightmares.
The water is coming; walls of water, wide and hugely high.
And then there is nothing.
All what was dear and loved is gone.
Why love and create something?
If it all can disappear in seconds?
Who am I?
Why being at all,
if not for the joy of creating and loving?
Water asked me: “Please allow me to love you”
Can you love what has destroyed you?
Will it’s embrace kill me?
Does water has a heart?